Would You Rather Dodge Ticks or Bullets?
Shed Huntin' Season In Colorado.
Listen up—shed hunting in Colorado is the ultimate offseason fix for anyone who’d rather dodge ticks over bullets. If you’re not familiar, shed hunting is the art of scouring the mountains for antlers that deer, elk, and moose drop like last season’s bad decisions. It’s you, the wild, and a treasure hunt that doesn’t end with a chalk outline...Compare that to an afternoon in Denver, Colorado, where the only thing dropping faster than antlers is the city’s rank among the safest in the country. I’d rather wrestle a bear than roll the dice on Colfax. Just sayin'.
Let’s break it down. Shed hunting gets you outside, breathing air that doesn’t smell like weed and regret from purchasing over-priced property. You’re stalking through the backcountry, eyes peeled for those treasured tines poking out of the pine needles. Sure, you might trip over a rock or get a face full of spiderwebs—nature’s glitter—but the worst-case scenario is likely a sunburn or a pissed-off squirrel. In Denver? Your worst case is a carjacking, a stabby psycho, or some tweaker screamin' at ya in a language you can't understand. Crime stats don’t lie: the Mile High City’s been racking up robberies, assaults, and murder incidents like it’s auditioning for The Purge. I’ll take a twisted ankle over a knife fight any day of the week.
Plus, the gear’s simple. Grab some boots, binos, and a backpack—maybe a sandwich/H2O if you’re going the distance...No Kevlar required. You’re not dodging stray bullets or sketchy alleys; you’re just trying to outsmart a buck’s shedding schedule.
Timing’s key—late winter to early spring, before the snow melts and the antlers turn into chew toys. Denver, meanwhile, doesn’t have an offseason for chaos. Day or night, you’re one wrong turn from starring in a police report or getting spotlighted as the victim on one of our commie news networks. (Ha! CNN, see what I did there?)
And the payoff? Antlers are pure bragging rights—Instagram or X gold without the hashtag #SendHelp. You can hang 'em on your wall, sell ‘em to hipsters for “rustic decor,” or just flex your outdoorsy cred on the Joe Outdoors Podcast (shoot us some pics or tag us Joe on IG or Joe on X). In Denver, the only thing you’re bringing home is trauma and a lighter wallet—if you’re lucky.
Look, I get it—cities have their charms. Craft beer, skyline views, blah blah blah. But when Denver’s crime wave forces you to be more locked n' loaded than free and safe, I’d rather be knee-deep in sage chasing antlers than dodging downtown’s frequent felons.
So, lace em' up, hit the hills, and leave the urban jungle to the real animals.
Nature’s got your back—Denver might just stab it. Until next time, stay strapped or stay out of Denver.
So, lace em' up, hit the hills, and leave the urban jungle to the real animals.
Nature’s got your back—Denver might just stab it. Until next time, stay strapped or stay out of Denver.